do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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