actually, I'm a sock model
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
