i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
