The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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