you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
