proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize