Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
