how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
