All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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