I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
