My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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