I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
