He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
