i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
