You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
