bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize