you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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