I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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