there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
