I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
