I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
