i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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