so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
