i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
