I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
