I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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