is your mom at the bar?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
