He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
