trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
