my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Randomize
