Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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