you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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