I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
