handjob tips. give me some.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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