just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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