So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
