John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
