how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
