I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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