went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
