sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize