Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
