i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
