Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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