i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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