I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
