Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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