Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
