Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
