i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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