in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
