she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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