life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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