I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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