he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I could fuck to npr.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
