When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
