So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize