you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
