I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
