i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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