I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
