took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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