They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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