she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
