Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize