I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
