Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
